This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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