Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
