No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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