he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
