Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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