oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
