It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
