he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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