Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
