so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
