...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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