We won't sleep together?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
