I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
