I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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