if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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