There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
