i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
