If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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