I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
