So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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