I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
