OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
