sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
