I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
