She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
