I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
