she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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