I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
