just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
