yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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