Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
