that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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