His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
