Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
