You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
