turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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