why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
