I feel great
I just peed on a car
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
