nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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