guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
