does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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