Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
