i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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