I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
