its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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