True but thats because hes a fetus.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
