don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
