so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
