I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
