how can u be prego again
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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