i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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