After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
