MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
